True happiness, we are told, consists of getting out of one’s self, but the point is not only to get out--you’ve got to stay out; and to stay out you must have some absorbing errand.”
- Henry James
"There's a force in the universe that makes things happen. And all you have to do is get in touch with it, stop thinking, let things happen, and be the ball.
- Ty Webb (Chevy Chase in “Caddyshack”) 1:27 on the video clip
Life’s greatest paradox is this: In order to truly find yourself, you must first lose yourself.
Actually it would be more accurately written this way: “In order to find your Self you must first lose your self.” In other words, you must let go of the constant needs, desires and limitations of the small self in order to find the acceptance, flexibility and peacefulness of the higher Self.
So the question then becomes, what activity allows you to completely lose yourself? Is it meditation or kayaking? Is it prayer or fishing? Perhaps it’s your work (and for your sake, I sincerely hope it is). And what does it look like to lose your self in a way that totally engages and absorbs you instead of something that makes you comfortably numb? How do you lose your self in a way that is mindful and not mindless?
Athletes, artists, musicians, sportsmen, and spiritual practitioners throughout history have referred to this state as ”the zone”, “the flow”, “being in the moment”, “feeling it”, “being on top of your game”, “being at one with everything”, “in the groove” and many other things.
How Do I Know if I’m in the Flow?
Positive psychologist Mihály Csíkszentmihályi (pronounced "chick-SENT-me high") called it Flow and described it as "being completely involved in an activity for its own sake.” In this state, he said, “The ego falls away. Time flies. Every action, movement, and thought follows inevitably from the previous one, like playing jazz. Your whole being is involved, and you're using your skills to the utmost."
At some point, everyone has experienced this phenomenon in activities such as Sports, Music, Education, Work, Professions, Religion and Spirituality. It’s that state where movements slow down, vision becomes clearer, targets grow to the size of livestock and everything just seems effortless.
Csíkszentmihályi identified nine components of Flow.
1. Clear goals
2. Concentration and focus
3. A loss of the feeling of self-consciousness.
4. Distorted sense of time,
5. Direct and immediate feedback.
6. Balance between ease and difficulty.
7. A sense of personal control over the situation or activity.
8. Effortlessness of action.
9. Becoming completely absorbed in the activity.
The great thing is that you don’t have to experience them all at once to experience Flow. You must, however, let it happen. This isn’t a river than can be pushed.
Where Do I Go When I Lose Myself?
As Stan Shmenge (half of the Shmenge Brothers red hot polka duo comprised of Second City TV’s John Candy and Eugene Levy) once said, “ I took a year off to find myself and found out I was right where I thought I was.” This is sage wisdom wrapped in inspired comedy. Ultimately, we don’t “go” anywhere. We are always right where we think we are. But it’s only by going inward that we begin to recognize that place.
The activity that completely engages us is the “absorbing errand” Henry James is referring to in the opening quote. Finding the event or activity that enables us to let go of our thinking mind, allows us to discover who we truly are, what kind of person we want to be, and what kind of life we want to live. This is life's most important assignment and it's greatest paradox. It can also be our greatest adventure.
Go lose yourself. Be the ball.